Road Maps and Detours


Detours. I just took one. Sat down to write, Baby starts crying, I jump up and tiptoe in his room, stick paci back in his mouth, tiptoe back out. Now I'm here. Just FYI, that detour happens a million times a day. Okay, back to original thought. What I've been thinking about today, Loveys, is the whole idea of a roadmap for your life--I want to know what you think of that. Did you have one? Written or unwritten--a lot of us have a general idea of what we want for our life. It starts way back when you play the MASH game in school. (If you don't know what the game is, I am shocked. Now I'm wondering if most of you know what I'm talking about. Did you play MASH?)

So my roadmap looked a little like this: Go to college and love it, date different people, meet Mr. Right, travel, make memories, graduate, get married, get real job that I find fulfilling, have babies by the time I'm thirty (or at least start) . . . After the babies part, the roadmap just sort of ends. I'm not sure why, but it's absolutely appropriate because there is no map once the kids arrive! It's detours and U-turns and flat tires and red lights and race tracks (these are all the automotive terms I know).

But there are these moments where Jeff and I ask each other, Are you where you thought you'd be? Are we where you thought we'd be? Since I never really thought past babies, it's all uncharted waters anyway. But there are some things that surprise me. Growing up, it never ever occurred to me that I'd end up in Colorado. Never. Also, I had no idea that I'd take a job at a title company when I was 19 and meet Mr. Right and be engaged for more than three years, and that it'd be a little tumultuous during those years but married life would be bliss for going on 10 years. (Thank you, God!)

In a lot of ways, my initial roadmap played out without too many detours. I did go to college and loved it. I didn't really date a lot of people since Jeff and I met when I was just a young thing. I did travel--I've seen the Eiffel Tower and Stonehenge, I stood in a crumbling castle in Wales, I ate at McDonalds in Rome, I walked past the Gap in Scotland, I spent the night in Dublin, I saw Spiderman in London. I finished college and got married a month and a half later. A year later I got the real job. Five years after being married I had a baby girl and turned into something totally new--a mom. Three years later I had a baby boy and being a mom is still the most awesome thing ever.

But sometimes I think it's time for a new roadmap. Some idea of where I want to be down the road and what I want to do on the journey. I don't think you can plan these things out, but I do think you can have goals and dreams and wishes. My everyday life is really full. Sometimes I don't know how I can fit anything else in. And that's okay. I love where I'm at in my life. But there's nothing wrong with thinking about the future and letting yourself dream.

So what about you? Did you have a roadmap? Did things go according to plan or were there some major detours? Is there anything you know you want to do or have or accomplish in this next phase of life? Oh, and did you play MASH? :)

13 comments

  1. I agree about the roadmap kind of ending once you have kids. It's so all encompassing that it's hard to see the end or beginning or what is coming up after next week. I met my mr. Right at 19, graduated college, got a great job, got married had a baby and 3 yrs later my white picket fence was not all it was cracked up to be. So ff two years I'm a single mom, dating someone I went to HS with 15 years ago... I feel like I've made more of a U turn instead of detour. I think the kid thing has all us moms in this survival mode that it's hard to know what to expect, let alone plan for the future. I'm almost 32 and feel like I need to get focused. But the other 1/2 of me just wants to sit back and see where life takes me without any planning. I loved this post. Awesome topic! And in MASH I'm pretty sure I'd be married to Fred savage driving a van as a teacher and living in a mansion.

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    1. Yessss! My MASH sister. I'm thinking I was married to Chad Allen. Never mind that he's gay. :) Love your comments, Leah!

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  2. Never played MASH but I defiantly have a roadmap that I try to follow with many things waiting to happen on it

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  3. great post Brandy! i'm your newest follower :)

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Lindsay!

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  4. Loved this post and most definitely played MASH! :)

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  5. Good post! I remember wanting to have a career, get married around 30 (I was 31), and kids by 35. Then we weren't "ready" for kids. Then I got older. Then I was like, well, if it happens, it happens, and it did, at 39. Right now I sort of feel like I'm on a circle, or roundabout, or whatever you call it depending on where you live. Until I read your post, I didn't realize that I have been working on a road map of sorts trying to figure some things out as to where I want to be and where I want to go with my family life and work life. I made some major steps this week just taking control and putting it out there at work that things have to change...I've "sucked it up" for 7 years being understaffed, being told "help is on the way." There's been some major upheavels around the office that has given me a new confidence that I didn't know I had. I have been waiting for things to change, but was relying on others to make that happen, and now, I realize I'm in the driver's seat to make the changes I want. Whether it means someone finally realizes we need to restructure or I need to move on, we'll see, but I feel so much better having put it out there. And it was kind of poingnant that I chose this week to start working on my roadmap because I literally took more detours on actual roads coming to and from work because of accidents and traffics. I spent 3 hours in the car one morning. Lots of time to think, perhaps? So yes, I'm constructing a new road map because of some things that have happened recently. And taking it one day at a time. Trusting I'm where I need to be at any given moment (and trying not to scream out loud when I am literally sitting for an hour not moving in traffic!)

    As for MASH, no, I never played the game...am I too old to know what it was? I loves the show, and watched it all the time though!

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    1. Suze, I love your comments! What you said about taking control really resonated with me. Some women have those really powerful personalities from the get-go. Not me. But as I get older, I really want to be the kind of woman who isn't afraid of making changes or saying something when things in my situation need to change. Being fearless in those ways is hard for me. But I don't want to get ten years down the road and realize that I didn't do any of the things I wanted to. Or that I'm not the kind of woman I want my daughter to look up to. So creating a roadmap of sorts, to me, is about living intentionally!

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  6. Great post! I definitely played MASH! Totally forgot about it until now!

    For the most part I'm on the path I planned to take. This doesn't go without saying that there weren't/aren't detours, bumps, potholes, flat tires, etc. BUT I try as best as I can to look at those obstacles as learning lessons - and some had to be repeated many times!

    Something that I've been thinking a lot about lately is my expectation of what life was going to be like once I reached my planned destination. It's (for better or worse) not what I had expected it to be. Not that this is a negative... but it is what it is. Sometimes I'm overfilled with joy and sometimes I remind myself that "I've signed up for this" (wink). I guess there's no planning for the ups and downs that you emotionally experience through that journey to your destination - especially when you have toddlers.

    As for a roadmap post babies - I do have one. I'm going at it at a little slower speed than I had anticipated or planned, but starting to pass through the fog and I'm seeing the clearing! For me, I thought that I'd have a lot more time and energy than what my reality is. My youngest is now 17 months and my oldest almost 3 and I'm starting to get my motivation back. BUT... I know it's imperative that I be forgiving of myself and my time to get to that next destination - or else I won't enjoy it or appreciate it for what it is! :-)

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    1. Hi April! I totally know what you mean about things not always turning out how we expected. Even if we don't really know what we expected life to look like at certain times, it seems things can just feel different than we thought they would. I had NO idea about the emotional rollercoaster I would experience pretty much from the moment my first baby was born. And the rollercoaster just continues. That's for sure been something I never expected but have to deal with. That whole "being forgiving of myself" is so necessary!

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  7. There is a great saying...life is what happens while we are making other plans. I can attest to that.

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    1. SO true! Thanks for stopping by, Anya!

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