Finding Your Center

 
Lately I've been thinking a lot about direction and which one I'm going in. Do you ever feel like you don't even know? I've found myself there and when I have, I know it's time to take a breath and reevaluate. You know, while we try to be transparent in our blogs, the truth is that our readers are only getting glimpses into our life--not the whole picture. So sometimes things can seem more perfect than they are. And maybe for some people, life really is more perfect than it is for others. I don't know. I can only speak for myself and my perfectly imperfect experience.

Life with toddlers is a joyous blessing. It's also a chaotic blessing. I welcome every inch of it--sleepless nights, cuddles, tantrums, hugs and kisses, crying, laughing--because it's absolutely what I want. But that doesn't mean it's always easy or always doable without tears (mine, not just the kids). Marriage is a tremendous blessing. It's also a work-at-it blessing. And it also comes with hugs and kisses and crying (even tantrums, not that I'm speaking from experience on that. ;)  Ten years and two kids later--life with Jeff looks different from when we first started this thing. At book club the other night, we were talking about relationships (stemming from our discussion about Lizzie and Mr. Darcy), and what we know now versus what we knew back when we first met our husbands. Your priorities change over time. Things that mattered so much before, don't matter as much. And things that you didn't think about end up being really important to you. It's a journey and you learn as you go. Some days are easy and wonderful--others are difficult and overwhelming. I think that's true for everyone. Even those blogs you might read and feel like the women writing them must lead charmed lives. I know I've felt that way before as I've scrolled through my bloglist. Comparisons are a death trap. But they're really hard to avoid. Maybe not for everyone--again, I can only speak for myself.

So let me be real with you. There are days when I don't know whether my prayers are going beyond the ceiling. There are moments when I'm so tired I just want to tune out everything around me. There are days when I simply do not know what to do. Or what direction I'm going in. And then there will be a day (or several) when everything feels right and I can handle things well and I feel so close to God and my spirit is joyful.

The pastor at the church we visited last Sunday said something in his message that stuck with me. He said there will always be someone prettier than you, someone more successful than you, someone with a better job, a better house, a better car, more money--always. But no one else can be you. He's right. I think true contentment is reconciling that in your heart and having peace about it.

So my current aspiration is to be more centered. What do I want to be like this fall? It's a really busy time of year and I'd like to manage it without losing myself in the process. For me, this means being more prayerful. Opening up somewhat and sharing more of myself with friends and people close to me. I want to own our schedule, rather than it owning me. That means really looking at where my time is spent and maybe finding more time for things that matter to me. Jeff wants us to spend more time together as a family. That's a good goal. The kids are growing so fast.

How are you feeling today? What are your thoughts on 'finding your center'? What does it mean to you?



6 comments

  1. I am currently trying to find my center. I feel like I have lost my focus and need some guidance on what path I should be taking instead of the one I want to take. Life is so hard sometimes.

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  2. Love this post! I struggle so much with comparing myself to others! I'm learning to be content! It's a work in progress!

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  3. This is a very lovely post. I think that learning and growing and changing through every season of life is about 90% of what life is all about! I love this sentence - "I want to own our schedule, rather than it owning me." I think that this is absolutely critical, and is a big part of what a lot of families are missing. If everyone in the family is constantly running from one activity to another, it's impossible to be centered and to enjoy a sane family life.

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  4. Very nice post Brandy... I'm feeling so ever more prayerful right now for many reasons. I'm feeling blessed and want blessings to spill over to those around me that truly need it.

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  5. What a great post! I've been "off center" for far too long, and have been working hard to get back on track for months. Mine has more to do with specific challenges in several different areas of my life - work, home, family, friends. Although I'd get worked up, I'd handle it if it's something in one of those areas, but I have had a lot of upheavals the past year in every aspect of my life - all major, and have been seeing a counselor once a week through a staff assistance program at work because of one situation in particular, that I don't write about on my blog - proving your point that those reading don't know our whole stories, and never will. The past 10 months have been quite a test for me, but I've been learning to set some boundaries with people in all areas of my life, and working on being gentler and kinder with myself. I'm very hard on myself, and always have been. I've never liked change, but this past year especially, everything happened at once. But I'm getting better at dealing with it...another change at work this past week, and I did not freak. In fact, I predicted it would happen a week earlier, and when I did, I was okay with it, because I knew something had to change. So I know I'm on my way to finding my center. Some days I feel like I've got it...but most days I don't. But it's been nice to have some occasional days to experience it to know that it's within reach!

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