Motherhood . . . I mean guilt . . . or are they the same thing?

Ah, the guilt that comes along with motherhood. Am I being a good mother? But I'm tired and just want to watch Christmas movies and eat Candy Corn--am I still a good mother? I don't know.

Where is this coming from? So last night I went to this shindig for women that was about politics and women's influence and all that good stuff. Very informative and challenging and I liked it. However, one of the brilliant ladies (who is also a friend of mine--April, if you're reading this, yes, I think you're brilliant and I want to be like you) said that she has to wake up every day and parent intentionally, otherwise she's just babysitting.

Instant.

Guilt.

On my part at least. She wasn't trying to instill guilt at all--in fact, she was making an entirely different point about something unrelated to my parenting. But as for me . . . instant guilt.

Am I babysitting my kids? What is parenting intentionally? Is that where moms do lots of arts and crafts and teach their kids sign language and feed their kids the correct percentage of vegetables every day? If so, then I'm afraid I belong in the babysitting category.

Hmm. Maybe I would be more worried about it if Ash wasn't in daycare three days a week. She comes home with her letter sheets and so I know that she's learning her ABCs and 123s and social skills. And, don't be shocked, but I think she learns stuff from the Disney and Nick channels. I'm serious! So last night when I got home I asked Jeff if he thinks we're babysitting or what.

Babysitting, he answered. I looked at him in horror. He laughed and wasn't horrified. I guess it depends on your definition of what it looks like to be a good parent. Babysitting is probably part of it for all of us. It comes back to the issue of balance, I guess.

I think I struggle with balance. Here's an example: So this morning I told myself that I was not going to snack in between meals today (if you're wondering, that lasted until 10:30). I have run out of cheesy Doritos, so I'm already ahead of the game somewhat. But I start thinking about Halloween and how I wish I had candy corn or chocolate or something. The doorbell rings. A package is waiting for me at the door. I see it's from my mom. This was literally my first thought: I hope Mom sent me candy.

I don't get to open it right away because lunch is ending and it's time for the first round of attempting nap time for Ash. After everyone but me is settled in for nap time, I open the package.

Candy corn.

My mom loves me. Who cares about balance? I'll start on that tomorrow. Today I get candy.




3 comments

  1. Oh don't worry. I feel guilty all the time because I feel like I don't spend enough time with my Jack-Jack even though I am with him ALL DAY.

    Jessica recently posted, Flashback Friday: Tale of my batshiz crazy rabbit.

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  2. you can't feel guilty, don't let yourself fall into that trap. You love your daughter, care for her, teach and model for her, show her the woman she needs to be...that is more than a babysitter.

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  3. You are definitely not a baby sitter friend, you are such a great mama. YOu know what...? my baby sitter is so awesome the kids always ask us when we will go out on a date.. so I might fall on a category below baby sitter!

    love
    Nancy

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