Breathing In and Breathing Out


It's late.
 
It's crazy how you can be so tired but your thoughts can't stop racing, isn't it?
 
I know.
 
The last two weeks have felt like a whirlwind to me. So much happening (car accident taking center stage and the repercussions from that) and so much constantly on my mind. When things are hectic like this, it's hard to find time to breathe. Today I was just looking for a little bit of time to clean the bathroom. Seriously! It's hard to find time for anything. The days fly by. Things pile up. There's not enough energy or hours or whatever. I've been in pain from the accident and just not quite able to keep up at my normal pace. I just can't.
 
Things get pushed around and you have to prioritize (and cleaning things like the bathroom have to find their place on the list somewhere). There are work projects looming. There are writing deadlines hovering. And you have to breathe. Because it's fall and I don't want to miss it. And in and out and under and over my to-do lists are these blessings called Jeff and Ashtyn and Lincoln. My mother's been here helping and it's been SO incredibly helpful having her. Thank heavens for family because I've needed so much help lately. It's hard for me to ask for help . . . unless it's my family. I'm pretty okay with letting my family know when I'm on the edge (I also like to remind them when it's my birthday. Just sayin.) There's a love there that's always safe. My mom opens the door and I walk in from my day and start crying because it's just real. I'm running ragged and I go to physical therapy at my sister's clinic and she sees that I am so drained I haven't eaten all day and she won't let me leave until I take a cup of pretzels and a Capri Sun. And I come home to my kids who are exhausting and non-stop, and even still, they own every single beat of my heart. Words can't explain how much I love them. You know. You understand. They own my heart. 
 
And the days are long and short at the same time and just finding a moment to breathe and release and feel peace is not easy. I got a text today from a friend who's going through a really tough time. And I was reminded that lots of us are struggling to find those moments. And I have to find time to pray--for everything. Because I need prayer and I need to pray for those around me.
 
The day has ended and yet I can't stop thinking so I'm here, taking a few moments to write out my thoughts. And to feel blessed for all the good things in my life. Because there are many.
 
Cold is coming to Colorado, loveys. It's on its way right now. It feels early to me, but it will be here by morning. As Ashtyn tried on her Halloween costume today and my son wore a dinosaur mask the entire time my mom and I ran errands this morning--well, there's no denying that fall is in full force. And you know me, I'm sucked in willingly. Already breaking out my Christmas CDs and pecan pie and pumpkin spice candles and caramel apple spice cider and autumn place settings. Even with my crazy schedule, I'm wanting to find places to squeeze in time with friends and family. Because those are the pieces of life that glue everything together like a scrapbook. Dinner with friends all around my table while we eat and drink and do life together. Movie nights with my sister to see Austenland because, I mean, it's Austenland and we're me and Sara. It's what we do. I can't make time for everything. But there are moments here and there--you know, gaps in the busyness, that can be filled with what we love.

 
And in the end, love is what we need. When there are hard days and we cry, we need to be loved. It makes all the difference. Lincoln will follow me around the house and just say, "I need to hug you." It's precious. I'll pick him up and say, "What? You need love?" The answer is yes. He knows if he needs to be loved on, his mama can't say no. Ash will curl up with me in the mornings and listen to me tell her she's special and beautiful and amazing and my favorite little girl in the whole wide world and she just soaks it up because she needs the love. Like I do. We all need it. My heart breaks for the people out there who feel unloved. (And listen, if you're one of them, it's not true. You are loved. God loves you like you nothing else on earth. Believe it.)

Love is what we need. It makes all the difference. And love is action. After reading that text from my friend today, I stood there and told my mom, "I have to do something. She needs to feel cared for."

Love. It's just one of those things that's awesome and makes things better (sort of like chocolate. :)

 


2 comments

  1. So sorry to hear about your car accident, my family was involved in one a few months ago and it made my husband scared to drive again afterwards. We too have been breaking out Christmas music and movies, although I put a stop to it on the 1st as I want to relish October ( big Halloween fans here)

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  2. Brandy,
    This post was really inspiring. I don't know if you realize how inspiring your writing is. I'm going to make an extra effort to make sure that people know that they are loved. I'm going to really try to be more thoughtful.

    Thank you for sharing your love. :)
    Tracy

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