The Baby Diaries


Happy Friday, loveys. How's it going? Are you learning to live on very little sleep? Oh! Me too! I can't believe that we're four days from Lillian being one month old. This past month has been a blur. Four weeks. Wow.

Blanca B (aka my mother) flew out on Tuesday. My mom has been so much help since Lily was born. We already miss her. I need to get a routine going for myself. I was pacing in our room at about 3:30 am this morning, with little peanut Lily in my arms, her eyes wide open while I felt total exhaustion. And still, I couldn't help breathing her in and kissing that sweet little head.

Blessed.

There are no perfect mothers, lovey. But perfection isn't needed. Only love.

I hugged my mom goodbye at the airport, trying not to cry and also trying to express how grateful I was that she came when I needed her. That she was there so I didn't have to worry or stress. That she came just to help and she did so much.

I'll be honest with you. I'm tired, but I'm stronger this time around. The truth is that I experienced postpartum depression with both of my other babies. I know what it feels like to cry and wish you could stop but you can't. I know those helpless moments. I assumed it would happen this time as well, but it hasn't and I'm thankful. I'm weary and things like the mastitis have wreaked havoc on my recovery--but still, emotionally, I can feel the difference. Postpartum depression can be difficult to understand if you haven't experienced it.

It's one of those files in the baby diaries that isn't so easy.

But remember, perfection isn't needed. Only love.

The baby diaries . . .  Emotional meltdowns happen. Losing the baby weight can feel like a huge mountain that's impossible to climb (and so discouraging). There are moments where we just don't feel like ourselves yet. There are those 3 a.m. moments where you fall asleep while feeding the baby. There are days where you feel like you've failed--you've yelled at everyone and your neck is stiff and sore--and you need a do-over.

And then there are those moments that save you. When people you don't even know drop off meals for you. When a close friend stops by with scones and tea and cheese and crackers and you laugh and talk and feel encouraged. When you're feeling a bit unsteady so you drive down the road to your friend's house and show up unannounced and she pulls you in without the slightest hesitation. When your sister drops everything to work out the knots in your neck to give you some relief. When friends from near and far text you just to see how you and the baby are doing. When, in the middle of the night, you and your spouse can still smile at each other while you're feeding the baby--because you're in this together. Every step of the way.

Those are the baby diaries, lovey.

Perfection isn't needed. Only love.

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