Not Great


Loveys, this was me yesterday. It was a rough day. At one moment, I found myself standing by the kitchen island, mindlessly eating an empty taco shell I had found, wondering how I got to this point.

This is another reminder that my diet is not working. Another reminder of this was my lack of self control at the birthday party I went to yesterday morning. I was sitting by my friend Shari, and when the girl brought over two pieces of Star Wars cake for us, I LITERALLY reached across Shari to grab her piece of cake because it had 3 times more frosting. And then I ate the whole thing in two seconds. (I'm sorry, Shari. I'm a bad person sometimes.)

The truth is I've been on the edge lately. Lily has been crying a lot (teething most likely). I cannot seem to keep up with anything. Do you know these moments? Where you just don't have the energy for much? So you hunker down and put on your pajamas and find yourself suddenly eating empty taco shells?

By the end of yesterday, I told Jeff we need to move and have a fresh start. (He didn't really respond to that but he was sympathetic at least).

Here I am today. Still in pajamas but no taco shells at least.

How are you, lovey?

I am staying home. My hair is terrible and my clothes are from the nineties. It's a difficult time.

I know next week will be better. It has to. But I've given up on this week. Humiliating moments (more than one in the span of three days! Lord help me). Frustrating moments. Too many car drives with screaming children (this can bring me to the brink). Motherhood crying moments. Epic failure moments.

It's not my week.

I will start fresh on Monday, (even though Jeff won't let us move, I will just have to do the best I can).

The truth is that I've had weeks like this before (though none come to my mind at this moment). And all moms feel tired and discouraged, for sure I know this. I also know all moms have had embarrassing moments--for one reason or another (often brought on by our children). And the crying and whiny-ness can get to even the most patient woman (which I never was to begin with). I also know there are worse things in the world.

But today, my capacity is at nil. I know it's been building slowly. Long days for Jeff at work (the market has been crazy). Teacher meetings with not great news. Fussy baby. Hurting feet and physical therapy. Grocery shopping and forgetting toilet paper.

We reach that point every now and then (usually by Thursday) and we start to twitch.

That's where I'm living right now. In the twitching place.

Also, I'm hungry for lunch and it's 10:42.





2 comments

  1. Oh honey. Bless you for writing out the ugly truth of those hard, hard days. Yes, there are worse things in the world. Yes, most moms have been there, but that doesn't help when you're in the midst of it. I hope you find something that takes the pressure off a bit. A coffee date here, some great news there, some unexpected sunshine and a car ride with no whining (heaven). Love you lady! PS - diets suck...that is all

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  2. Hey Brandy!

    I'm sorry that you had a rough week. Hopefully, next week will be better.

    When life gets overwhelming and you feel like you described in this blog post, it helps to talk to a professional who cares and can help you rise above the choppy waters that threaten to overwhelm you and bring you under.

    Maybe you should see a counselor or therapist. I believe they can help you manage your stress and give your more effective coping mechanisms to get through without feeling like you did when you wrote this blog post.

    Just a suggestion. Think about it.

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