Building Who We Are (Amid Rain and Conversation)

Hi loveys. I'm watching it rain right now and I love it. The door is open (because it feels like it's a hundred degrees in my house) so I can hear the thunder and see the rain splattering on the back porch.

It's been a rough week. I think a little stress goes a long way. (And being hot and needing an air conditioner makes me cranky and worse at handling stress. The good news is that we're getting air conditioning next week! Yay!)

But right now, I'm hearing the rain come down hard and it's beautiful. Linc is eating goldfish at the table and watching Octonauts. And I'm taking a breath and trying to let go of the stress that's been coming at me hard this week.

After days filled with stress, this morning I've had great conversation with two sweet friends who stopped by. While the kids barreled down to the basement to play, we talked about age and what matters to us at this point in our lives. I'm turning 35 this year. We talked about the great thing about being in our thirties. You know what I like about my thirties? I feel like I know who I am. I'm old enough not to care so much about what everyone else thinks. I'm not burdened down with the peer pressure of worrying about who has what, or what kind of car I drive, or what kind of clothes I wear, or whether I feel thin enough. I would hate to be consumed with that pressure at this place in my life.


I know I have more of it now than I did in my twenties, and for that, I'm glad. And I hope I'll have even more in my forties.

What's important to you, lovey?

We're building a house, as you know. It's supposed to be ready in a couple of months. It's got me thinking . . . about building a life.

Every year that passes, we're building who we are. What matters to us says so much about who we are. You can tell, right? That what you want reveals your heart. What fills your thoughts? Having more, wanting more, needing more.

I don't want to be that woman.

I know what matters to me. Rainy days and goldfish and conversation with friends over really good casserole and cinnamon rolls. Yellow roses Jeff brought home for me last night. Big decisions, little decisions. Chasing dreams. Homework and ice-cream cups. Curious George until I have it memorized. Text messages from Sara and Laura. My sisters are always on my side. Watching Game of Thrones on Sunday nights while holding hands with Jeff. My mom praying for me over the phone when I'm stressed about work. My dad sending me an email that he loves me before I go into an important meeting. Chili in the crockpot right now that smells amazing.

That's what matters to me.

We're building a house that I'm excited about. It's near several friends, and it's fun and exciting. It's super fun to pick colors and such. But those are things. When we went to the place to choose colors and such for the house, the lady told me and Jeff that we were basically the easiest people she's ever worked with. :) We're not that choosy, and we know our budget and can't go over.

What we're really building is a life.

As 35 gets closer to me, I think about who I am. Who I am is not the most popular. I've never been the most popular and it looks like that's not changing. Not losing sleep over that. :) Who I am is someone who's still not very good at applying eye make up. Seriously. Maybe I'll get it one of these days. Who I am apparently is a very tech-challenged person. Oh well. Who I am is a mom who doesn't stress about feeding her kids organic everything. Sorry. We eat Doritos at my house. Who I am is a girl who's not perfect but values her faith and accepts God's grace. Who I am is someone who loves the fact that she's in her mid-thirties and has two gorgeous kids and a great husband and a home that feels happy and safe and gets to write books every now and then.

Those are the dreams of my heart.

What are the dreams of your heart, lovey?

Every day we're building who we are. Some days don't go that well. Some days we shine. Some weeks are like this one for me--stress and worry and decisions and late nights working. Then there are mornings like today, conversation and delicious food and seconds and thirds and coffee cups and friendship. Mornings that encourage me and remind me of who I am.

Who I am is a girl who loves dessert and movies and my family (and $7 capris from Forever 21).

I'm all about the love.

The rain stopped and the sun is now peeking out even though the sky is dark. Gorgeous.

Stress comes and goes.

Love stays.

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